Ian Brady

The more and more I think about it,
the more I think I'm like Ian Brady.

Read this stuff about Ian Brady:

"When he could not have his way he would throw violent tantrums, which sometimes ended with him banging his head against the wall" This was something I used to do as a child.

"At school he was a bright student and a handsome, well-dressed boy, but not well-liked. At the age of eleven, Ian passed the entrance exams to Shawlands Academy. His potential was never realised, however, as he was lazy, would not apply himself, and misbehaved. He started smoking, and virtually gave up schoolwork." Perhaps not handsome, but I was a bright student, well-dressed and not well-liked. I also became increasingly lazy and started smoking at the age of 14, which was when my schoolwork became shit and I started failing.

He developed a fascination with Nazi Germany, Nazi pageantry and Nazi symbolism. He often asked other boys for souvenirs that their fathers brought back from the war, and when playing rough-house war games he would insist on being "the German"

Also like me, I had a fascination with Nazi Germany and etc. I had a period when I believed in eugenics and also insisted on being "the German" every chance I got. I loved to play the villain and would always go for the "tan" team whenever I could. Also got in trouble during my A-level times when I wrote about Adolf Hitler being my hero in General Studies and also mentioning him several various times.

"It was at this time that Ian also became known for perverse and sadistic tendencies, including bullying smaller children and torturing animals in a variety of grotesque ways."

I think everyone knows about my "Dead Baby Jokes" and also when I was younger had a tendency of bullying; one of my friends almost committed suicide with my incessant bullying and I also tortured mosquitoes and ants whenever I caught them.

"He would often spend hours in his room, reading and listening to music. He developed an interest in the writings of the Marquis de Sade "

I once had an interest in the writings of Marquis de Sade. Also easily my favourite things to do are spending hours in my room by myself while reading or listening to music.

"He also began drinking heavily, gambling and frequenting the cinema, and often found himself in need of extra spending money to support these new habits."

Sounds just like me. Wikipedia also mentions that he had a thing for mutliation, anyone who has seen my arms will agree that I have a thing for mutilation. I have a membership in about 10 different casinos in the UK and cinema is my thing. I also am in constant need of money.

"Brady learned illegal techniques for acquiring money, and entertained grandiose fantasies of becoming a big-time criminal, pulling off lucrative bank heists. He hoped to avoid manual labour and aimed to appear respectable, and so studied bookkeeping. His release led to prolonged stretches of unemployment."

Not many people know this but I learned how to pick locks and still look up illegal techniques for acquiring money. I also have grandiose fantasies, anyone who knows about my plan to set up my own religion or becoming world leader would agree with this. I also try to avoid manual labour and I have prolonged stretches of unemployment such as now.

Myra Hindley and Ian brady also wanted to break into the pornography industry. Anyone who knows me well enough would also agree that I wouldn't mind being a porn star. Myra and Ian's favourite book is also Crime and Punishment by Dostoevsky which I just happened to be reading and loving. She also wanted to read Mein Kampf by Hitler and also stopped going to church, the same way I have. She also bleached her hair.


Basically, I have so much in common that I'm almost afraid that I will be the next mass murderer. The doctor did tell me that I have a personality disorder. What if I do go around killing people? Who knows what the future will tell. If it does happen I will be infamous and we all know I want to be famous and have my own fan club on facebook.com. We'll find out in the future....

Parties

Few days ago, went to a party at Lidderdale Road with M and B. Felt a little like I was intruding, it wasn't my party. Oh well, can't beat a bit of party-crashing. The party started off poorly right from the beginning, we had trouble finding the damn place. Once we got there, everybody was in a toga and we were dressed normally. O and Ish who had invited us seemed busy socialising with other people so it was just me, M and B to entertain ourselves. This is usually done with the aid of alcohol but after we had had a few, some bastards decided that they'd have some of our alcohol when we weren't lookin. Then I started kicking off and getting a little angry because of all the previous annoyances and also because I was generally a little unhappy with the news I got from the doctor earlier on.

B managed to calm me down but I was a little quick to anger that night. O then told me there were hash brownies at the party. This took a while to register as she loves to point out. Going against my judgment I decided it would be a good idea to go and try some. Needless to say, it ended in tears (not literally!).

I was soon feeling ill and wasn't a happy bunny. Previous incidents and the sick feeling just made me unhappy then it all REALLY kicked off when M was being silly. I wanted to leave, but we were waiting for M. B was up for leaving. M told us to wait, so we did then B tells me M actually wants to leave because the guy she was talking to was a bit of a tool. So I go and look for her to drag her away from this tool and there she is havin a bit of a snog with the guy. I start kicking off, not believing my sight. Didn't speak to either of them in the taxi back...

Once I sobered up and woke up the next morning, needless to say I felt like an absolute idiot, but I still think I had valid reasons to be angry.



Went to an amazing party at a house off Smithdown Lane last night.
Feel a little guilty coz it led to B missing his coach to London this morning. Oh well, I'm sure he enjoyed himself.

The music that they were playing at the party was mostly Drum N Bass, twas amazing, a DJ in the kitchen inside the house and another one outside in the garden. Met up with Ish and O and met some characters, most notably Cokey Joe.

Brought with us a bottle of Vodka and some Red Bull, we shared a little with some people but that was a bad idea, it soon turned to crisis as it was finished very quickly and we were not drunk enough. After this, much of the night was spent chatting and occasionally looking for any free alcohol we could score.

Amazingly, there was a house which was left open and a whole bottle of vodka was left so we "sampled" a bit of that. It was a very restrained night due to the constant lack of alcohol and O controlling my nicotine intake. I must admit I was very frustrated for long periods because of her but I guess I should be thankful, if not for her I probably would have finished that pack and gone through half of another. Cigarettes and alcohol intake reduced, we tried to turn our attention to Coke, pills, ketamine, whatever we could find. Sadly we didn't have much money either, ended up being unable to buy any.

Even so, it was a better party than the other one, by far. Also ended up meeting Julie too, which was nice as always. Ended up getting home somewhere between 5.30 to 6.30am. Slept till 2pm!!! Strangely enough, I'm feeling kind of sleepy and tired. Might be coz I haven't eaten anything all day... Now I'm going to develop more of the Hongism ideas...

Back to Blogging

It is now the holidays, I have the time to post on my blog.
It's been a while since I've done it, hopefully it'll be fun again.

I'm beginning to feel increasingly despondent these days,
I felt it enough to take it upon myself to go and see a doctor.
I explained that I had previously been to counseling and that I did not enjoy it,
not so much because I felt it was useless or embarrassing but more because I felt it to be a little condescending. I'm not sure if it's because of my proud(maybe?) nature or because they were genuinely condescending or perhaps it's the nature of counseling, it JUST IS condescending.

We went through the symptoms, doc felt that I was a unique case, in that I showed the symptoms, but didn't look like it. He therefore decided that I may have a personality disorder, or it could be simple depression.

I was therefore prescribed Fluoxetine, an anti-depressant and I am in the queue for Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT). I don't know how I will tell my parents, though somebody told me perhaps not to tell my parents at all. Glad they don't read or know about this blog.

Fluoxetine. 20mg capsules to be taken once daily. I removed the pharmacy tag thingy.

It comes in blister packs of 5x3, each box containing 2 blister pack thingies, 30 capsules. Blue and white in colour.

I'm so looking forward to feeling numb and medicated, I can't wait.