I am feeling ill...

I don't know what I have,
it's either a flu, a viral infection, chest infection or glandular fever
but it's really pissing me off, I've had it for about 2.5 weeks now, I wish it would go away.


I was planning my 20th birthday event next month and it dawned on me that it would be my last ever birthday celebration in the UK...
I don't know why, (maybe it's coz I'm getting old and sentimental :P) but it upset me a little bit, thinking of how I'm not going to see a lot of these people again and how there will be very few good friends of mine celebrating my 21st...


As soon as I leave this country, I wouldn't know where to head to. Malaysia is out of the question, South Korea I'd rather not go because of military service and all that, the US seems to be my only choice, my mum does want me to live there after all... but that means I leave all my closest friends behind. The British friends I guess will probably remain here and some of the Malaysians would return to Malaysia I guess. I will have no friends from college or university to be with when I start work in the US, that is if I go to the US and manage to get a job there...


I have a constant worry in the back of my mind, of how life is going to turn out.
I try and have a positive outlook but everything points at bad things.


When I graduate,
1. I will leave my closest friends
2. I will no longer have a home
3. I will have to try and settle in a country I don't want to settle in
4. I will have to get a great job to pay off my debts to parents


I don't want to leave this country, I don't want things to change at all...