hello again

hmm. i wonder how people will react and feel if i died?
it sounds really selfish but i want ppl to mourn my death for a long time and feel very very miserable. i think at the current rate, i won't have many ppl that will be v. v. upset, i will have a lot of ppl that will go "oh i knew hong... how sad".

hmm i want to find out. i wonder if there is a way to find out without actually dying, coz that'd be awesome.

my birthday is in 2 days!
but i'm gonna be celebrating it tonight!
there's gonna be a house party sort of thing, a lot of ppl from uni turned me down, they have classes tomorrow... its totally rational and fair, but being the selfish ass that i am i'd like to think that my birthday is more important that an hour of lectures at 9am in the morning. but it obviously isn't.

i still have about 20+ ppl pretty much confirmed to be coming. maybe that'll grow to about 60 like it did the last time we had a house party. i want it to be awesome, i want to drink, i want everyone to get drunk and i want to be drunk and i want everybody including myself to be happy.

given my recent behaviour, i think a lot of ppl won't want to be near me.
i may have done some drugs but i'm not a junkie.

oh and just so everyone knows, cocaine is no big deal, i did not feel anything.
speed is a different matter, but ppl have already started being upset with me and alienating me, so i think i'll stop with the speed/cocaine or any other drug.

well, can't quite stop the caffeine. cutting off the nicotine is hard enough as it is.

i've lost count of how many ppl i know have died this year, i best not add myself to the list.

tonight, i will be happy.