Hong's Spot

I hate to admit it but...

2010-08-03T03:12:00.000+01:00

I think my heart is breaking.

Old mcdonald had a farm. Hong doesn't.

2009-11-13T14:24:00.001Z

I saw a very elderly couple struggle to get into a taxi today. With my imminent birthday, my fear of aging crept up on me again. I never want to struggle with anything as simple as getting into a taxi; I struggle with these things enough as it is with my condition. I thought to myself, 'i must never live to an age where i'm a nuisance to other people who will need to help me'. Then I thought having someone who will struggle with you, maybe, just maybe might make it worthwhile to live a little longer and continue to be a nuisance.

Today I cried.

2009-09-09T02:39:00.002+01:00

It'd been a while since I last cried.
In fact the last time was November 2008 when my grandfather died.

I think my emotional problems all sort of collapsed on me completely today.
It was partly to do with E and S, and also D and B. D and especially B disappointed me massively. B was and still is my best buddy, D was the one I've been thinking of and both of them broke my heart.

Thank god L was there for me. because otherwise, I actually would have done away with myself.

I am the worst human being ever.

2009-02-04T01:25:00.003Z

I think I've been letting a lot of people down recently.

My parents have spent a bomb on my education.
Yet people without degrees are getting jobs even with GCSEs.
Many times I've been turned down because I don't have a permanent right to work here.

Fair enough. Why would anyone want to waste money training a foreigner who has to leave in a year and a half?

Despite that valid reason on their part, this is really getting me down.
I never asked to be born a foreigner.

On top of this, I'm furious with K for how she's treated me. I feel really quite used. I'm trying to be the bigger man and not say anything about it. SY told me I should be rightfully angry and annoyed, cut off all contact with her and not help her or have anything to do with her. I won't because I just don't do that. But it's slightly getting on my nerves.

I am so frustrated with absolutely fucking everything. I've popped two ephedrines in an attempt to make myself feel a bit more excitable, a bit happier, upbeat. all it's done is made my heart race, feel more awake and alert to all the fucked-upness my life seems to throw at me.

B has said that I have a losing mentality. If I do not accept the possibility of losing, I will not fail. And yet that makes no sense to me. There can be NO possibility of losing. That's just silly. either you win or you lose. And since I accept that possibility, I am a failure.

The evidence is all there. I lose in education, jobs, love.
I really am struggling to see why I live. I feel like I am currently living to try and pay off debts before I get rid of myself.

This has all been incoherent. But that's how I feel. All over the place.

K

2008-12-29T22:58:00.000Z

Why am I such a pitiful character?

Drinks

2008-11-06T05:36:00.001Z

It's 5.38am, I can't sleep and I've been watching The Basketball Diaries. It's a very good film.
It's bad to be a junkie.

What now?

2008-10-20T02:22:00.003+01:00

So I've applied for a Post-Study Work Permit Visa with the UK Home Office.
Apparently, it takes 4 weeks to process an application. It's been 4 weeks but no news.

It's a pain in the arse as it costs £400 and in the mean time, companies don't seem to want to hire me because of the lack of a work permit.
My 2.2 doesn't exactly help either.

If only somebody had told me when I was younger that BSc Biological Sciences holders who want to work in a lab don't get paid much, but it's the managers that manage the scientists that get all the money.

I don't know what it is, but recently I've been seeing more Korean people. I could have chosen not to but I do. From 1st and 2nd year where I virtually met none, and in 3rd year when I met about 3, I have now met over 15 Koreans. I'm not entirely sure how I feel around them but some of them find me funny, some of them admire me and also, from what I've heard, I've managed to offend some people too (not surprisingly).

The Hong Hongs - That's not my name

2008-07-28T00:14:00.002+01:00

They call me Hung,
They call me Chinky,
They call me Ho,
They call me Wing,
That's not my name,
That's not my name,
That's not my name
That's not my... name.

They call me Chinese,
But I'm Korean
Sometimes Honguita
Always some name
That's not my name
That's not my name
That's not my name
That's not my... name.

Are you calling me Hongy?
Are you calling me Wong?

2007-11-03T04:40:00.000Z

And now... I have 1 grandparent left.

Goodbye grandpa.

I am feeling ill...

2007-10-15T22:56:00.000+01:00

I don't know what I have,
it's either a flu, a viral infection, chest infection or glandular fever
but it's really pissing me off, I've had it for about 2.5 weeks now, I wish it would go away.

I was planning my 20th birthday event next month and it dawned on me that it would be my last ever birthday celebration in the UK...
I don't know why, (maybe it's coz I'm getting old and sentimental :P) but it upset me a little bit, thinking of how I'm not going to see a lot of these people again and how there will be very few good friends of mine celebrating my 21st...

As soon as I leave this country, I wouldn't know where to head to. Malaysia is out of the question, South Korea I'd rather not go because of military service and all that, the US seems to be my only choice, my mum does want me to live there after all... but that means I leave all my closest friends behind. The British friends I guess will probably remain here and some of the Malaysians would return to Malaysia I guess. I will have no friends from college or university to be with when I start work in the US, that is if I go to the US and manage to get a job there...

I have a constant worry in the back of my mind, of how life is going to turn out.
I try and have a positive outlook but everything points at bad things.

When I graduate,
1. I will leave my closest friends
2. I will no longer have a home
3. I will have to try and settle in a country I don't want to settle in
4. I will have to get a great job to pay off my debts to parents

I don't want to leave this country, I don't want things to change at all...

Oh dear...

2007-09-28T02:43:00.000+01:00

I'm in love.
This is bad news.

No Drug Trial

2007-09-20T12:46:00.000+01:00

Hmm, I got turned down for a clinical trial I was supposed to go for,
they were going to test a newly developed Alzheimer's drug + citalopram an anti-depressant on me, to see how they worked together.

Apparently, if I'd taken any anti-depressants within the last year, I was ineligible.
I'm a bit gutted coz I was going to get paid £2753 in compensation too, but such is life.
To make up for this loss of income, I went to the casino in Manchester while waiting for the coach back to Liverpool.

This turned out to be a big mistake! Ended up wasting £200...

But I'm sure this is a blessing in disguise as I will probably avoid going to the casino again for a while... Also, I won't end up missing large chunks of Uni lectures and all that, since I would have had to be away for 21 days for this drug trial.
At least now, I don't have to abstain from alcohol!

I can't wait till university starts again...

Argh. Problems.

2007-08-30T10:02:00.000+01:00

I usually say this every summer, but I am going to lose weight over the next few weeks,
to look like a new person when the new term starts.

I have been putting on weight, as I have been stuffing myself a lot recently,
must be all the money I'm making! At least I think I'm putting on weight anyway...
So, I've decided to start fasting. It will start today and will probably end in about a week,
All I'm going to have is low-sugar drinks, a small meal every 3 days perhaps, and also cigarettes.
I will also cut down on the alcohol intake and make it less pints and more vodka instead. This is so I can feel healthier and feel a bit more comfortable and also hopefully, look better as well.

Everybody knows that nobody likes to be fat, I would not put myself in the category of "Fat" but I and others still see myself as overweight so am going to try and change that as soon as possible. Also, the more weight I lose, the more easy it will be when I start my exercise regime to join the army, but more about that later.

This new job that I've got as a fundraiser is quite stressful. It gets me down quite a lot at times, but at least I've met a lot of new friends and most of them are quite easy to get on with. As always I am expanding my social circle, but now it's getting quite difficult to keep up with. I hardly have time for my housemates these days, i.e. A and H. B is not back from his summer holidays at home yet. With H, his English is quite weak and he doesn't drink so I don't mix with him too much anyway, A has been annoying me a fair bit recently with his complaining.

He has every right to complain about the mess that I make and not clean up, but he does not realise he does things that gets on my nerves too. Everytime he comes into my room, he picks the guitar up but always puts it down somewhere where it gets in my way. There is a pile of newspapers in the toilet which he leaves, everytime A and H have a shave, they leave a big mess of foam and facial hair in the sink.

I hardly ever cook, I usually only ever leave a pot or a couple of plates uncleaned for a while, but when he has been cooking, there is usually a chopping board with a lot of stuff on it and various other pots not cleaned. I have replaced the plastic bags in the living room several times but I do not tell anyone coz I don't feel I have to. At this moment there are 3 empty beer cans sitting in the living room which were all drank by A and are still there, have been there for about a week. Sometimes when I'm not in, my alarm clock goes off which is obviously an annoying thing. He has mentioned it to me a few times, I try not to let it happen. Funny thing is his alarm clock has done the same once or twice, but I did not let it bother me, I just let it be. I've let him had his way with the internet and landline which is BT, a bit more expensive than bulldog broadband and virgin media but he wanted something that would come in the same bill, instead of several bills from different companies, which is fair enough. I've also lent him one of my mobile phones because I have 2 contracts and I really only need 1 phone, so that he need not pay for credit on his other phone since I'm still paying for the contract anyway, although I expect him to pay for anything that goes over the minutes allowance. He took the best (debatable) room in the house. I've been as nice as possible to him, tolerant and doing everything I can when I have time. I have never taken out the bin bags but I still do a lot of other things and I don't mind when he doesn't do things.

The difference is that I am tolerant and just get on with it without bitching because I know somebody will get rid of it at some point, I don't want to clean other people's mess but I won't bitch about it either. I know I owed A quite a fair bit of money but there is no reason as to why I should be pushed around because I've paid him back completely.

I love him as a friend but I'm beginning to have doubts as to whether it was a good idea moving in with him. Sometimes it can be a lot of heartache because every now and again, he can be a really good friend but also quite vicious and vitriolic. It's no secret that I am a lazy bastard but there should always be a bit of room for everyone, if that makes any sense...

Oh well, I suppose it will all work out and everything will be fine...

Not a smackhead yet.

2007-06-28T21:09:00.000+01:00

Moving into the new house completely, pretty soon.
I am quite excited, can't wait. Problem is having had to pay the deposit, I also need to pay the rent,
which I can't quite afford at the moment. But as soon as I have a job, I should be fine.
Gonna have to work 40+ hrs a week for a while, lots of debts need to be repaid. Oh well.

Well, the fluoxetine prescription is finished, I've finished my supply. I was supposed to return a letter for the Cognitive Behaviour Therapy thing, but I didn't so I have to be re-referred. It's not so much of a problem, as I need to go to the doctor to change my address and everything anyway. Lots of things need to be settled, change address with 3 Mobile, bank and Uni, etc. etc. What a bother.

This finding a job thing is proving to be harder than I thought, given out about 10 CVs in total now, not too many responses. Not so sure why, I think my CV looks pretty decent.

Will post photos of the new house and stuff. Feel quite guilty towards A and K. I owe them lots of money, they've helped me out so many times financially, I think I'm in much debt, not only in terms of money but friendship-wise, I don't think I've done for them as much as they have done for me. A and K are both getting a little annoyed with me now I think but it's completely reasonable and fair for them to be like so.

This girl, H. She's been on my mind a lot lately. Can't quite put my finger on it, there's something quite alluring about her. Very attractive and flirtatious. I must have done something wrong somewhere along the line haha, coz she's stopped being as flirtatious as she used to be. I can always move on but this one I quite like a lot. I know I say that about quite a lot of girls but I've not quite liked someone this much since S, and that was 3 years ago...

Granddad has said he would foot the university tuition fees, which was very nice of him. Hopefully, this would put less financial strain on the family. This comes as quite a shock to me, I'm not used to being in this sort of financial situation. It's not so easy adapting to this kind of life, when I've hung out with royalty and children of kings and princes, politicians, and attended expensive private schools all my life. I've always appreciated the value of money but never quite experienced it as I am doing now... Oh well, at least I'm not a homeless smackhead living on the streets and begging for change... yet :P.

2007-06-12T23:20:00.000+01:00

It's very hard to describe but my misery seems to grow by day.
The more I think about it, the more I seem to realise that I really am unhappy.
As days go by, I am more and more certain that I want to end it all, albeit with a little doubt.
But the doubt weakens.

It seems that I WANT to subject myself and others to pain and misery. I have been analysing myself and I wonder if it is for attention or to prove people wrong or to get back at people I have been unhappy about. If any or all of it is true, then it seems that I really am a selfish person. I may not actually end it all but there are other ways to do things.

So in an act of unselfishness I plan to alienate myself from society. I'm not the only person to have noticed that my behaviour is getting increasingly erratic, hence leaving society is not going to be a difficult thing. All I need to do is delete my facebook account (can I afford to do this?), change my number and stop socialising. It struck me that socialising is a great waste of time and money and I have no reason to partake in it as my financial state will not allow it and the more I socialise, the more money I waste, the more friends I make, the more people I hurt if I eventually do any of the things I am thinking about.

I desperately want to spend time with people but at the same time, I desperately want to hurt these people who do not want to spend time with me. It sounds increasingly possessive but sometimes I feel really lonely, I make time for most people I know and yet I realise not everyone makes time for me. Even if they do, certainly not enough for me to be happy with. I am not usually a jealous person but everything is on a scale and with most, if not all friends, I feel that I am not as high as I should be on their friend-scale if u will, certainly not as high as I should be given the amount of time, effort and care I have put into these various relationships.

I'm not being given due credit. I'm sure with this post, if anyone reads it will think that I am not giving THEM due credit. But when I think about all the times I've heard the words "I'll always be there for you." uttered to me, I wonder how many times it was actually genuine, because I know that at times when I said such words, I almost always meant it. The problem was I actually did mean it. I was ALWAYS there. If not always there, I was always TRYING to be there. Then I realised that I was actually being a nuisance. People need more than one friend, I alone cannot satisfy people's social needs. In the same way humans treat everything else, they treat humans; discarding anything that is depleted or no longer fulfills needs. Far too often have I served my purpose and been discarded when no longer needed. Shameful but true, I am fairly certain I have at least wanted to, if not done the same.

Much injustice has been done against me, at least that is how I feel. Perhaps I am wrong, but I probably am right. If every single one of my friends or acquaintances of any sort read this, I'm sure some would feel pangs of guilt, and I want them to.

So I'm going to do myself and everyone a favour. Slowly but surely, I am going to remove myself from society and become a recluse. This article is the very first step to a long journey, where at the end, I will hopefully be happy.

Ian Brady

2007-05-27T04:43:00.000+01:00

The more and more I think about it,
the more I think I'm like Ian Brady.

Read this stuff about Ian Brady:

"When he could not have his way he would throw violent tantrums, which sometimes ended with him banging his head against the wall" This was something I used to do as a child.

"At school he was a bright student and a handsome, well-dressed boy, but not well-liked. At the age of eleven, Ian passed the entrance exams to Shawlands Academy. His potential was never realised, however, as he was lazy, would not apply himself, and misbehaved. He started smoking, and virtually gave up schoolwork." Perhaps not handsome, but I was a bright student, well-dressed and not well-liked. I also became increasingly lazy and started smoking at the age of 14, which was when my schoolwork became shit and I started failing.

He developed a fascination with Nazi Germany, Nazi pageantry and Nazi symbolism. He often asked other boys for souvenirs that their fathers brought back from the war, and when playing rough-house war games he would insist on being "the German"

Also like me, I had a fascination with Nazi Germany and etc. I had a period when I believed in eugenics and also insisted on being "the German" every chance I got. I loved to play the villain and would always go for the "tan" team whenever I could. Also got in trouble during my A-level times when I wrote about Adolf Hitler being my hero in General Studies and also mentioning him several various times.

"It was at this time that Ian also became known for perverse and sadistic tendencies, including bullying smaller children and torturing animals in a variety of grotesque ways."

I think everyone knows about my "Dead Baby Jokes" and also when I was younger had a tendency of bullying; one of my friends almost committed suicide with my incessant bullying and I also tortured mosquitoes and ants whenever I caught them.

"He would often spend hours in his room, reading and listening to music. He developed an interest in the writings of the Marquis de Sade "

I once had an interest in the writings of Marquis de Sade. Also easily my favourite things to do are spending hours in my room by myself while reading or listening to music.

"He also began drinking heavily, gambling and frequenting the cinema, and often found himself in need of extra spending money to support these new habits."

Sounds just like me. Wikipedia also mentions that he had a thing for mutliation, anyone who has seen my arms will agree that I have a thing for mutilation. I have a membership in about 10 different casinos in the UK and cinema is my thing. I also am in constant need of money.

"Brady learned illegal techniques for acquiring money, and entertained grandiose fantasies of becoming a big-time criminal, pulling off lucrative bank heists. He hoped to avoid manual labour and aimed to appear respectable, and so studied bookkeeping. His release led to prolonged stretches of unemployment."

Not many people know this but I learned how to pick locks and still look up illegal techniques for acquiring money. I also have grandiose fantasies, anyone who knows about my plan to set up my own religion or becoming world leader would agree with this. I also try to avoid manual labour and I have prolonged stretches of unemployment such as now.

Myra Hindley and Ian brady also wanted to break into the pornography industry. Anyone who knows me well enough would also agree that I wouldn't mind being a porn star. Myra and Ian's favourite book is also Crime and Punishment by Dostoevsky which I just happened to be reading and loving. She also wanted to read Mein Kampf by Hitler and also stopped going to church, the same way I have. She also bleached her hair.

Basically, I have so much in common that I'm almost afraid that I will be the next mass murderer. The doctor did tell me that I have a personality disorder. What if I do go around killing people? Who knows what the future will tell. If it does happen I will be infamous and we all know I want to be famous and have my own fan club on facebook.com. We'll find out in the future....

Parties

2007-05-25T19:31:00.000+01:00

Few days ago, went to a party at Lidderdale Road with M and B. Felt a little like I was intruding, it wasn't my party. Oh well, can't beat a bit of party-crashing. The party started off poorly right from the beginning, we had trouble finding the damn place. Once we got there, everybody was in a toga and we were dressed normally. O and Ish who had invited us seemed busy socialising with other people so it was just me, M and B to entertain ourselves. This is usually done with the aid of alcohol but after we had had a few, some bastards decided that they'd have some of our alcohol when we weren't lookin. Then I started kicking off and getting a little angry because of all the previous annoyances and also because I was generally a little unhappy with the news I got from the doctor earlier on.

B managed to calm me down but I was a little quick to anger that night. O then told me there were hash brownies at the party. This took a while to register as she loves to point out. Going against my judgment I decided it would be a good idea to go and try some. Needless to say, it ended in tears (not literally!).

I was soon feeling ill and wasn't a happy bunny. Previous incidents and the sick feeling just made me unhappy then it all REALLY kicked off when M was being silly. I wanted to leave, but we were waiting for M. B was up for leaving. M told us to wait, so we did then B tells me M actually wants to leave because the guy she was talking to was a bit of a tool. So I go and look for her to drag her away from this tool and there she is havin a bit of a snog with the guy. I start kicking off, not believing my sight. Didn't speak to either of them in the taxi back...

Once I sobered up and woke up the next morning, needless to say I felt like an absolute idiot, but I still think I had valid reasons to be angry.

Went to an amazing party at a house off Smithdown Lane last night.
Feel a little guilty coz it led to B missing his coach to London this morning. Oh well, I'm sure he enjoyed himself.

The music that they were playing at the party was mostly Drum N Bass, twas amazing, a DJ in the kitchen inside the house and another one outside in the garden. Met up with Ish and O and met some characters, most notably Cokey Joe.

Brought with us a bottle of Vodka and some Red Bull, we shared a little with some people but that was a bad idea, it soon turned to crisis as it was finished very quickly and we were not drunk enough. After this, much of the night was spent chatting and occasionally looking for any free alcohol we could score.

Amazingly, there was a house which was left open and a whole bottle of vodka was left so we "sampled" a bit of that. It was a very restrained night due to the constant lack of alcohol and O controlling my nicotine intake. I must admit I was very frustrated for long periods because of her but I guess I should be thankful, if not for her I probably would have finished that pack and gone through half of another. Cigarettes and alcohol intake reduced, we tried to turn our attention to Coke, pills, ketamine, whatever we could find. Sadly we didn't have much money either, ended up being unable to buy any.

Even so, it was a better party than the other one, by far. Also ended up meeting Julie too, which was nice as always. Ended up getting home somewhere between 5.30 to 6.30am. Slept till 2pm!!! Strangely enough, I'm feeling kind of sleepy and tired. Might be coz I haven't eaten anything all day... Now I'm going to develop more of the Hongism ideas...

Back to Blogging

2007-05-24T13:51:00.000+01:00

It is now the holidays, I have the time to post on my blog.
It's been a while since I've done it, hopefully it'll be fun again.

I'm beginning to feel increasingly despondent these days,
I felt it enough to take it upon myself to go and see a doctor.
I explained that I had previously been to counseling and that I did not enjoy it,
not so much because I felt it was useless or embarrassing but more because I felt it to be a little condescending. I'm not sure if it's because of my proud(maybe?) nature or because they were genuinely condescending or perhaps it's the nature of counseling, it JUST IS condescending.

We went through the symptoms, doc felt that I was a unique case, in that I showed the symptoms, but didn't look like it. He therefore decided that I may have a personality disorder, or it could be simple depression.

I was therefore prescribed Fluoxetine, an anti-depressant and I am in the queue for Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT). I don't know how I will tell my parents, though somebody told me perhaps not to tell my parents at all. Glad they don't read or know about this blog.

Fluoxetine. 20mg capsules to be taken once daily. I removed the pharmacy tag thingy.

It comes in blister packs of 5x3, each box containing 2 blister pack thingies, 30 capsules. Blue and white in colour.

I'm so looking forward to feeling numb and medicated, I can't wait.

Battery Hens

2006-12-06T04:46:00.000Z

Monday night, I got so drunk that I don't remember a lot of the night.
However I do remember falling asleep outside in the garden when it was raining and it was freezing cold. I was asleep there for a while (without a coat! in English winter!) until some strangers woke me up.

And then we decided to chat about the liberation of battery hens.

Today, I realised the amount of work I had to catch up on and just managed to stop myself from stuffing a sock down my throat, sticking a pen in my eye and sticking my head in the oven. (Come to think of it, it's quite a funny image that lol)

I really really need to catch up, exams coming up soon.

Strange Attraction

2006-11-30T00:09:00.000Z

The Cure - Strange Attraction

I've listened to this song on repeat the whole night.
Listen to it if you get the chance!
You'll definitely like it if you like the Cure.

It started with a dedication
"Lost in admiration
Happy birthday I'm forever yours
-Blossom"
Faded red inside a tiny book of butterflies
I smiled surprised at how when flickered through
The wings flew by spelled out my name...

Six months went by, the summer lost
Obessively the letters dropped into my life
The same soft blood smooth flowing hand
"Please try to understand
I have to see you
Have to feel you
Tell you all the ways I need you
Yours forever in love..."

Strange attraction spreads its wings
It varies but the smallest things
You never know how anything will change
Strange attraction spreads its wings
And alters but the smallest things
You never know how anything will fade

The year grew old incessantly
She wrote to me
She'd started smoking poetry
I laughed in recognition of a favourite phrase
She'd pulled me in...
I answered her
A christmas card in sepia
Arranging when and where
And how the two of us should meet...

Her opening so well prepared
A nervous smile
I couldn't take my eyes from her
She whispered
"Can I use some of your lipstick?"
It was perfect so believable
I couldn't help but feel that it was real
And kissing crimson fell into her waiting arms...

Strange attraction spreads its wings
It varies but the smallest things
You never know how anything will change
Strange attraction spreads its wings
And alters but the smallest things
You never know how anything will fade...

So, alone into the cold new year
Without another word from her
I wrote to ask if we could maybe meet again before the spring
But weeks went by with no reply
Until once more my birthday came
And with it my surprise
But this time nothing was the same...

"I'm sorry,
Blame infatuation,
Blame imagination,
I was sure you'd be the one but I was wrong
It seems reality destroys our dreams
I won't forget you
-Blossom"
Faded red inside a tiny book of old goodbyes...

Strange attraction spreads its wings
It varies but the smallest things
You never know how anything will change
Strange attraction spreads its wings
And alters but the smallest things
And you never know..

smoke-free. albeit only for a day so far.

2006-11-22T14:57:00.000Z

16th of november was my birthday, i turned 19.
i think it was possibly the best birthday i've ever had so far.
i've always been the baby of the group, as i always hung around with people older than me, and it still is the case, but i feel very much like an equal with the current bunch of flatmates.

my flatmates, decided to put some money together to allow me to go and see placebo in december. i was very happy then, it was great. placebo, my favourite band!

also got loads of cards and some alcohol as well, seeing as how i'm supposed to be an alcoholic :P
i got drunk 4 times last week! 4 times in 1 week! it was quite extreme drunk as well!
i don't remember some of the things i did that week, i think i should cut down a little on the alcohol.

i was about to quit with the smoking and some of my friends bought me some cigars..
so that was postponed, until i finished the cigars yesterday. so now, i've promised to stop smoking. it's going to be hard, seeing as how i've been steadily smoking since i was 14. a 5yr long habit has to be stopped. for the past 2 weeks, i'd been smoking about 2-5 cigarettes a day in an effort to slowly ease myself off, coz before that, i'd been doing 15 a day.

also cleaned my room up, did my laundry. only realised that first term of uni is almost over, so i've decided i'm going to start studying properly soon. hopefully as soon as i finish this blog post.

also gonna go find a job, i think i've gotta get off the alcohol and drugs, and start putting my life on track again. hopefully the combination of work and study will keep me busy, enough for me to not get drunk 4 times a week :P plus, job = more money, and more money = more alcoh... lol

exams are not as far away as they seem!
i best get studying...

free stuff?

2006-11-20T21:10:00.000Z

i get £100 shopping voucher if 5 ppl click on this and choose a gift they would like.
thanks in advance.

http://www.freerewardcenter.com/?id=193354&ref=1078

hello again

2006-11-14T18:16:00.000Z

hmm. i wonder how people will react and feel if i died?
it sounds really selfish but i want ppl to mourn my death for a long time and feel very very miserable. i think at the current rate, i won't have many ppl that will be v. v. upset, i will have a lot of ppl that will go "oh i knew hong... how sad".

hmm i want to find out. i wonder if there is a way to find out without actually dying, coz that'd be awesome.

my birthday is in 2 days!
but i'm gonna be celebrating it tonight!
there's gonna be a house party sort of thing, a lot of ppl from uni turned me down, they have classes tomorrow... its totally rational and fair, but being the selfish ass that i am i'd like to think that my birthday is more important that an hour of lectures at 9am in the morning. but it obviously isn't.

i still have about 20+ ppl pretty much confirmed to be coming. maybe that'll grow to about 60 like it did the last time we had a house party. i want it to be awesome, i want to drink, i want everyone to get drunk and i want to be drunk and i want everybody including myself to be happy.

given my recent behaviour, i think a lot of ppl won't want to be near me.
i may have done some drugs but i'm not a junkie.

oh and just so everyone knows, cocaine is no big deal, i did not feel anything.
speed is a different matter, but ppl have already started being upset with me and alienating me, so i think i'll stop with the speed/cocaine or any other drug.

well, can't quite stop the caffeine. cutting off the nicotine is hard enough as it is.

i've lost count of how many ppl i know have died this year, i best not add myself to the list.

tonight, i will be happy.

90s Music

2006-11-03T21:52:00.000Z

I downloaded a whole lot of 90s music and found it so funny!
so nostalgic too.

i loved it when it was the mid 90s, i can easily say those were the happiest times of my life. i spend too much time thinking about the past lol. but facebook has worked wonders with me tracking down my old friends from primary school,
they're scattered all over the world, but i'm real chuffed that a lot of them still remember me, just 1 or 2 don't. and one of them i even fancied at one point, in year 5... just coz she's been on TV. what a slag. :P
oh well cant blame her if she doesn't remember me. but i remember being quite close to her, went to her birthday party. this was all back in year 5. still remember her address too. orange grove, stevens road, singapore...
not obsessing, just disappointed and i have a damn good long term memory.

the 90s songs i've listened to recently are all one hit wonder sort of songs.
u may not recognize the titles but u'll definitely recognize the music if u listen to em. they are:

kriss kross - jump (1992)
snow - informer (1993)
house of pain - jump around (1992)
chumbawumba - tubthumping ( 1997)
the wallflowers - one headlight (1997)
nicki french - total eclipse of the heart (1995)
US3 - cantaloop (1994)
des'ree - you gotta be (1994)
the rembrandts - i'll be there for you (1995)
bodeans - closer to free (1996)
deep blue something - breakfast at tiffany's (1995)
ini kamoze - here comes the hotstepper (1994)
tony rich project - nobody knows (1996)
rappin 4 tay - i'll be around (1995)
barenaked ladies - one week (1998)
gina g - ooh aah... just a little bit (1997)
mark morrison - return of the mack (1997)
no mercy - where do you go (1996)
cathy dennis - touch me [all night long] (1991)
montell jordan - this is how we do it (1995)
eagle eye cherry - save tonight (1998)
verve pipe - the freshman (1997)

they are some of the songs... will listen to more over time.

I don't know how to have fun.

2006-10-13T03:34:00.000+01:00

Being raised with many restrictions in life has made me a dull person.
I wish i was raised restraint-free, free to do what I want,
able to express myself in anyway I wanted but instead,
I lack confidence and I am now restricted to self-mutilation and alcohol to express myself.

I want to be able to enjoy myself without being drunk.

I can only do things that ARE right, not FEEL right.
I want to be able to do things that ARE right and FEEL right.
Stupid Asian/Oriental values have been drilled into me,
not all are bad but sometimes I wish i could just forget my roots
and not be seen as a Korean person but just as ME.
I want to be seen as Hong Chan the person,
not as Hong Chan the Korean...

I envy people who can dance on the dance floor,
I envy people who can sing their heart out without being drunk.
I envy people with the ability to enjoy themselves without a second thought.

Very Pissed Off

2006-08-18T18:26:00.000+01:00

The past two days, I've been so fucking pissed off.
Nothing seems to be going well.

First comes news about my mother's health.
Then comes news about my sudden trip to Korea.
Then comes a dumbass customer at the restaurant who asks me what lamb is, and gives me a look of extreme annoyance when i tell him lamb chop is made of lamb,
then this beach desaru trip is not working out at all,
nobody seems to want to go, i think i might as well go alone.
ppl who promised to return my calls are not doing so,
ppl who said they would let me know by the next day are not doing so,
some dumb english student is being a total ass,
been bitten by mosquitoes all over while sleeping,
i called something like 15 people the past 2 days. from 5pm, upto midnight, again and again and again. only 3 people responded, one was in China, one was in Phuket, and the other in KL. Is it so fucking hard to just answer the phone?
and then, abidah passed away.

the two of us were never really all that close.
however, she was a bright presence in all my chemistry classes.
this whole year has been really depressing, a lot of deaths and all,
and now another has departed, as if it wasn't depressing enough.
god damn the guy who ran her over.

so irritated with life.

argh.

2006-07-22T16:03:00.000+01:00

I'm not being given any money to spend while in malaysia, i'm working to support myself while i'm here. this is not a problem for me. i'm totally fine with it. i'm expected to act like an adult, earn my own money, budget it, etc. but when it comes to entertainment, i'm not allowed to do my own thing. they have to govern my actions. it was only 10.30pm. is it so bad that i go out and that time? if i was in liverpool, i could have gone out at 4 and come home at 9, whatever. i can do my own thing.

grr.

I'm It!

2006-07-08T17:58:00.000+01:00

Yes, I've been tagged..
Brings up old memories of running around the playground and shouting "You're it!"
Tag was always fun. There was this Swedish friend of mine, who never wanted to play Tag, but always wanted to play Stuck in the Mud instead, but I digress.

Anyway, Mars tagged me.
And now I have to list down 8 characteristics that I would want in a girlfriend.
You'll all be glad to know that I'm tpying this under the influence of alcohol.
I'm not drunk or anything, but i'm in that talkative mood..
so.. the TRUTH IS REVEALED!

1. PRETTY FACE
2. TITS
3. LEGS
4. HIPS
5. NO BODY HAIR
6. GREAT LIBIDO
7. SMELLS LIKE SHAMPOO ALL THE TIME
8. DOESN'T SWEAT

LOL. I'm kidding. Actually, in the completely physical sense, that's what I would want, but we have to consider the emotional and mental and the whatever-else points too... and we don't live in an ideal world..
here goes.. seriously.

1. Must speak English. I have to be able to communicate with her don't I?

2. Can talk with me confortably. I want her and I to be able to talk easily to not have any awkward silences. If there are any silences, I don't want them to be awkward.

3. Is open-minded. I don't want her to scream and gouge my eyes out if i just happen to look at a really attractive girl. I want her to be able to laugh at the dumb things I say, without moaning.

4. Faithful. She better not cheat on me, coz I'm not going to cheat on her.

5. Knows how to have fun. I don't want her waiting on me, or for me all the time. I want her to have her own group of friends, have the occasional ladies night out sort of thing, instead of clinging on to me 24/7.

6. I don't want her to be exactly like me. I want some differences to argue about, debate and whatever. I don't want her every reply to be "OH I LOVE THAT TOO!".

7. Speaks her mind. I'm not going to get offended or annoyed. Just tell me how you feel, and I'll adjust to it.

8. Pretty. This is a MUST if you cannot fulfil all the other 7 requirements. If you can fuflil the 7 other requirements, it would be nice if you had this attribute too, but it's not a must.

I don't necessarily need my girl to get on with my friends or family. If she doesn't, then I'll crawl into a hole with her or wherever else she wants to go to avoid my friends and family. Besides, it's only temporary.
It's a little different if it was a wife that I was looking for.

Hmm, I don't know. Recently, I've been thinking about all the girls I've known in my life, and realised that all this while, I've been really picky and only choosing to like certain girls. It's a little different now. Either I've matured, or my standards have dropped :P

Anyway... who do I tag?
Hmm.. I don't know.
WHOEVER that reads this blog.
ANYBODY.

rant.

2006-06-24T12:22:00.000+01:00

I've found out the hard way that i don't like football match referees.

Oh well.

Anyways, I'm now settled in JB, Malaysia,
the jet lag is gone, almost. The late night football
is not really helping me overcome it.

Been trying to go to bed early,
trying to make it a new habit.
it's kind of working, nowadays I fall asleep once the first match ends.
Might be smth to do with the fact that I try and go to the gym for about an hour
each day. back in the ktj days, 3km jogs were so so so much easier..

Was supposed to meet up with dhany, but parents suddenly decided to become annoying, which is surprising, coz they've been quite nice until that particular day.

this coming 30th, I will be makin my way up to KTJ,
see the juniors, i miss them quite a bit.
People who have not been to boarding school will never understand how much fun it is, and what it's like..

I hope the slight scouse accent does not bother anyone. but i can already see it coming, typical Malaysian dumbass mentality; "you think you got new accent you very cool issit?"

*sigh*

Well, better a scouse accent than a posh London one. Personally, I'm glad I lost it during KTJ. It's a bit snobbish.

I can't wait to get out of this hellhole of a country.
Malaysia. I hate it I hate it I hate it.
Or more accurately, I hate the dumbfucks that populate it.

I'm generalising here, there are a lot of nice msian people out there.
But you have to wonder, if you hold the door open for the person, do you have to get looked at like you are a fuckin doorman? I get completely ignored while the fucks that i just held the door for just walk past with their noses held high.
no fuckin manners. want to castrate them all. is a simple "thank you" really that hard?

and what's with the whole narrow-minded-ness. I feel like I'm living in an Asian version of the United States. People here don't stop to listen to others. Their own opinion is always the best, nothing else can be considered. People here behave as if expressing a different opinion is like a fuckin declaration of war.

maybe it's just JB, but i find it so difficult here, people don't speak english that well.

Me: My SIM card is expired, and the phone does not work. Is it possible to
put some money in it or do I have to get a new card?..
Phoneshop man: *turns phone on and off, on and off*
Me: excuse me? ... ??
Phoneshop man: *takes out my SIM card, puts it in his own phone*
Me: uh...
Phoneshop man: ah, SIM cad SIM cad expire oredi.
Me: I told you that..
P M: ah, mas bai niu wan.

quite a rant..
I'm probably gonna regret posting this as soon as i post it.

Back in Malaysia

2006-06-14T17:45:00.000+01:00

I'm back in Malaysia!!!
kind of busy, will post properly in future. meanwhile, enjoy some more placebo music vids :D

placebo!

2006-06-04T23:38:00.000+01:00

I wasn't gonna post for a while, until I got back to Malaysia to be exact, but I felt like putting this up! kinda like a filler post..

Behold, my favourite band, PLACEBO!

enjoy :D

Home

2006-06-04T16:04:00.000+01:00

I'm going back home in less than a week!
Most of my friends seem very excited over going back to M'sia.

I feel very divided. :S
I want to go back, firstly because I miss the rest of my family, and secondly, I miss malaysian food!

But otherwise.. there's really not much point in me going back. As soon as I go, I can already imagine my freedom being much restricted. I've been trying to save as much money as possible, so whatever I do have, when I take back, i can use much more sensibly, but sadly, i've not got much :P

When I go back, I expect I'll be seeing lots and lots of old friends, (Dhany, Alana, KTJ ppl, others)..
It's been years since I last met Alana and Dhany as well..

I can't believe I've already completed 1 whole year of Uni life. It passed really quickly, hopefully the next year is as enjoyable, if not more, than this one.

I was supposed to post more pictures and other stuff on the kent and nottingham trip.. but a person who was supposed to send me them photos has not gotten online and sent me them! So I'll just have to wait..

and now, back to cleaning up and packing..

Japs

2006-05-29T01:19:00.000+01:00

In a rare act of patriotism, I'm going to go back to my roots and start Jap-bashing.
Ok, I haven't really got anything against the Japanese. If anything, the Chinese annoy me more. (No offense to all the Chinese people out there, I'm sure a lot of you are great, and I have lots and lots of Malaysian, Singaporean, British, Indonesian-Chinese friends, but a lot of the mainland Chinese people are quite simply... annoying.)

So I'm not really gonna be Jap-bashing, just making a little fun of them. Watch this video clip, you'll understand why. If you're a Korean, you'll understand why it's so damn funny. If you hang around Japanese people a lot, you might understand why it's funny. Or you may simply find it quite stupid. But anyway..

Ok, to be fair, there are a lot of Koreans who can't speak English. At least this dude is making an effort, albeit a very amusingly hopeless one. In fact, when I stepped out of the very.. enclosed world of international schools and stepped out and started mixing with the Malaysian public, I found the accent very funny, and at times totally gibberish-like. Of course, now I sound a little like one when I speak to Malaysians.. Well, at least I don't sound like a posh London kid like way back in Primary school.

Just so you guys know I'm not being racist or Jap-hating or anything, my best friend in Year 2 to Year 5 was Japanese-Thai.

I'll post more stuff on the Nottingham and Canterbury travels on another day.

Canterbury, Kent

2006-05-26T22:38:00.000+01:00

Sorry I haven't updated and replied to comments in a while, been sort of busy.
I was away in Kent, visiting a friend, and I also went to Nottingham.

Hmm, sometimes I want to shed this image of myself as the "Clown". Personally, I'm a little bored, sick & tired of this image. I don't want to be the guy who's cracking jokes all the time. As dhany would say... i'm feelin a little jaded/bitter?. I just feel like it's time for a change, but.. if i stop being the relaxed, funny-guy, what do I change into? So far, it seems that I'm not good at much else, other than making a fool of myself and making other people laugh.. and even that doesn't work all the time. I'm not funny anymore. :(

People used to laugh either at or with me. Now they just tell me I'm full of shit.

Anyway,.. Kent.
Trip was quite.. uneventful, but I wasn't expecting an uber-exciting trip. After all, I don't travel to feel excited, but to see new things and if possible, meet new people and old friends, and I certainly did all that, so I was happy. I met up with Shereen and stayed at her place for two nights (she made jelly! for me!), and also met a friend of hers; Adam, who will be coming to Malaysia for the first time this summer.

Shereen is lookin down at smth, not quite sure what it was she was lookin at.. but whatever. We were supposed to go into town that day, but it got all rainy outside, so decided to stay in. Needless to say, both of us weren't happy. She needed to go shopping, I wanted to see other things in Canterbury, other than the coach station and Pizza Hut.

Hmm, there was some compensation with the rain though, did see a very clear rainbow outside. Coz of the lack of money on my part, and crap weather in general, we did not go out at night, so instead we stayed in and just stuck to watching movies and we were also involved in some *cough* illegal *cough* activities. (I meant the coughing in a very literal sense).
I went all the way down to Kent, from Liverpool, and was made to sleep on the floor. :( but I guess I can't complain, I may have done the same lol.

The rainbow..

And here, we have me in my customary "make myself look silly"-pose. I obviously wasn't posing, she decided to randomly take a photo of me.

Me, being the perenially poor guy, needed some money to sustain my travelling and eating costs, so suggested we go to the casino... but there was none in Canterbury! but there was one in the nearby seafront town of Margate, so off we (Shereen, Adam, Me) went, in search of money. Halfway there, I decided to check if they brought any ID.

"So.. you guys got ID right?"
"Do they allow you in with University ID"
"No"
"..."
".... No driving license?"
"No"

We decided, since we already had begun our little adventure, just to go there and try our luck, but as expected, they did not want to let Adam and Shereen in. I could not possibly go in there by myself and leave the other two. So we went to eat, at a Wetherspoons, and then we went to the beach.

While we were approaching the beach, we noticed this sign from far away. All three of us found it strange, at least Adam and I did, thinking that dolphins did not like the cold waters of Britain. Shereen was more focused on the fact that she'd never seen dolphins in the wild before.

And then the anti-climax... we walked closer and found this sign.
The animal signs were there so lost children could be found.. Needless to say, all three of us were disappointed.

Don't have photos of the Cathedral in Canterbury and other places we visited and photos of ppl together yet, but will post em up on the next post, and also will write about the trip to Nottingham.

The disadvantages of living away from home..

2006-05-20T19:19:00.000+01:00

Mmm.. Baileys Irish Cream..
Disadvantages? What disadvantages?!
LOL

Ah.. the joys of independence.
i.e. being able to drink as much as you can afford and smoke as much as you can and whatever else is your vice of choice.

We all love alcohol don't we?
I didn't get an early start to drinking, I only started at 16 (hmm.. i'm not sure if this is VERY late.. maybe it's normal..)
Now, at a ripe old age of 18, I can't quite say I'm a veteran drinker. If anything, my alcohol tolerance is much lower compared to all the English ppl, where people from all towns and counties can come together in unity, and be proud of one thing in common: a beer belly.

The bottle of Baileys was my first ever bottle of alcohol (i've bought many drinks out at pubs and bars and stuff, but never bought a whole bottle for myself).
Was going at a special price over Christmas, so decided to give myself a little treat. :D

This stuff was weak, so I decided to move onto smth a little stronger: Vodka.

My beloved Smirre. It's all gone now, but while there was lots left, it was a good friend. My friends always told me that Smirre was rubbish, that Absolut was the way forward, but I stuck by it. :D

I once mixed Smirnoff and Baileys... turned out horrible. Forgot what the actual drink was called... some Irish smth. or Green smth. Can't remember.

This is just the stuff I've been drinking at home alone. Except the Bacardi Breezers, which I finished with Danial while playing poker, and smokin some shisha. It's not bad at all.. except a little too sweet. Of course, take into account what I've been drinking outside with other ppl, and the alcohol content rises significantly. Compared to most ppl, the no. of bottles that I have, isnt a lot. The problem is that I drank that all by myself, on my own, alone in my room.

Doesn't it look like some skyscraper building u might find in the middle of a large town?
Does to me. As you can see, I'm exactly the healthiest person right now. Gotta start going to the gym and start jogging again, I haven't done that in like ...4 months.

Well, the smoking's gonna stop...
Gotta stop some of the vices before I move on to others. ;)

Murder!

2006-05-15T05:50:00.000+01:00

Esmie Tseng..

The American-Chinese 16yr old girl from Kansas who stabbed her mum to death. She committed murder.. She is now serving time at a jail (Note: an adult jail, not some juvenile detention centre jail thing). In a non-sadistic, purely analytical way, I've always wondered what death is like, along with other things such as committing murder, rape, experiencing death of a family member, or contracting an incurable disease. Recently, I had the chance to experience the death of a family member, my grandmother. I can say that I never want to experience that again.. Sadly, I have parents, so I'm going to have to go through it at least twice more.. unless I die first of course.

But anyway.. A 16yr old killed her mum! Now many would be horrified and shocked that a person could do this, but to be totally honest, I'm not. Being raised in a very Asian family (especially Chinese/Korean) in a Western environment is very difficult, especially if you are the 1st generation abroad. Everybody you know, is going out, having fun, doing what normal children in the environment do, but you are confined to the spaces of your room, doing reading and studying.

When I was younger, I had a lot of fun, and I can confidently say my life was happiest from Year 2 to Year 5. Bring academic competition and girls into the picture, and life quickly becomes very bleak.
My grades were always excellent. Not many students can say that they were top of the class from Year 1 to Year 5, in a big school too (ok fine, it's primary school, but still, let me bask in the somewhat dim lights of my glory). I was also top of the class, all the way to my IGCSEs, often topping the class in terms of exam and test results, and in general intelligence. I even performed on the violin at school concerts.. but was this EVER good enough? Not really. I was always told "well done, proud of you". If only it'd stopped there.

After that, always followed a "but on the bigger stage, you're gonna need to work harder and get better results, you're not always going to be on top, etc. etc." Which was very true. But did I really need that constant reminder? It was like having a broken record, playing in the back of my head, telling me I was never gonna be good enough.

Many times I have felt the urge to tell my parents to shut up and go away, I never did. Admittedly murder has been on my mind. This was back when I was about 12/13. Thankfully, these thoughts have all vanished, and I can happily say that it's just a part of my history.. but I guess it shows that at some point, everyone snaps. Esmie just had a lower breaking point than I did, and was probably much more mentally abused and given impossible targets to match by typical oriental parents.

After my somewhat not so great A-level grades, I think I pointed out to my parents that I'm not as intelligent as I once was, and managed to lower their expectations. I am a little disappointed that I did not get the grades that I could have gotten, but this has somewhat made my life easier. I no longer feel hatred towards the whole Asian race for their ignorantly demanding lifestyles and blind hard-work.

blur

2006-05-11T13:33:00.000+01:00

One advantage of living in the UK, is that UK bands are recognised.
As far as I know, Koreans don't have much knowledge of music outside Korea,
barring the super famous superstars e.g. Michael Jackson, Mariah Carey, Britney Spears, etc. (notice how they're all pop-stars...)
This may be partly due to the abundance of Korean celebrities and singers, who get more press coverage than Hollywood stars, in Korea.

I get the impression it's not exactly the case in Malaysia. There are loads of Malaysians who know Korean actors and singers but the same cannot be said the other way round.
So Malaysia does not really have an excuse for it's lack of music from the UK..

But whatever the reason, the Msian music scene is dominated mainly by American music. I've already posted about my difficulty in finding Placebo albums (They've won numerous awards! Best UK Band Award! They are gods in France!).. The same could be said of blur. The first blur album I ever bought was blur: The Best Of. (btw, I'm intentionally typing "blur" without a capital B).

I've searched for all their other albums, but did not manage to succeed in Msia. Although to be fair, I did find their album "13" a few times.

The only goddamn song people have ever heard is "Song 2" and occasionally you get people who've heard "Coffee & Tv" This severely annoys me. (There's one person I know in Msia who loves blur...was so happy when I found out, it's like finding a soulmate lol.) But FINALLY, I'm in the UK, and when I mention blur, people go "ooh! I love blur!"

The Great Escape, and Blur.

And Dhany sent me one of their albums, "Think Tank"!!! Was very happy when I received it, so much thanks to Dhany.

There's still quite a long way to go before I can finish this album collection. I've still got to buy "Leisure", "Parklife" and a couple more others. I'm hoping Think Tank was not their last album ever..

If you haven't listened to blur ever in your life, I suggest you do. Except Think Tank and 13, their music may seem a little retro at times, but really, their music, all of it is a good mixture of many genres.

Guitar

2006-05-09T13:09:00.000+01:00

It's been coming for quite a while now.. I've been longing for a guitar.
So I got one yesterday! Except I didn't quite buy it..
..
..

I rented it! :P I bet some people were thinking I stole it.
A friend was in need of some money, so I decided that renting it from him wouldn't be such a bad idea. Besides, I've "earned" money at the casino, why not use it on something productive, like playing the guitar, instead of like... eating.

The guitar is, a Fender Squier. I could never afford to own or even rent a Fender Stratocaster or anything of that quality. A Fender Squier is not too bad, but if you want to become a good guitar player, you have to make do with what you have, and use it to create good sounds. Imagine how GREAT the sounds would be on some real quality equipment..

Now.. I don't want to complain. But the Fender Squier SP-10 amp isn't great.
But to be fair, it's a good enough practice amp, provided you turn up the volume up enough, but my somewhat brooms-stuck-up-their-asses flatmates aren't too happy bout me turning it up a bit. Basically, what this means is you get shit sound. Not just a lower volume but you cannot hear the distortion properly, and the tone is just generally poor, in any amp, if you turn the volume down. This frustrates me, and makes me want to insert an additional mop up certain ppl's asses, but that's just me being sadistic.

Imagine this, I walk into the kitchen, and a person casually says
"Were you playing the guitar just now?"

I say my friend was. Which is 100% true, coz a couple of my friends came to drop it off. Sadly, he doens't quite know how to play, and he was just banging the strings at a loud volume and it did sound horrific, but that's not the point.

"Ah, I see. I woke up because of the noise.." *smile*

Well, I'm sorry, but during exam periods, you should not be asleep and in bed at 1pm in the afternoon! What planet does this person come from?!!?!?

Hmm, but I'm getting the general feeling that rock music is highly under-appreciated in China.
After all, a couple of months ago, I did hear some loud M2M music coming from a certain room. I did not complain, saying the noise was killing me though. What kind of 18yr old male, doesn't suffer when he hears "Mirror mirror hanging on the wall..." Wait. If anybody was planning to answer that, pls don't. :P

Anyway. This is the guitar I actually own, back in Malaysia.

A Korean-made *sticks out chest and sings national anthem* Cort X-2.
Btw, Cort is a Korean brand. :D
LOL. I feel so strange when I'm being patriotic.

Rest

2006-05-07T16:01:00.000+01:00

I've got FIVE more exam papers coming up next week!
I really should be revising, but I decided that I deserve a good break..

University exams are a pain in the ass. Sometimes even literally, as long periods of sitting down on a chair can lead to pain. (This is very rare, mainly because I don't revise for long periods of time.) The problem with revision is; for me, it's not re-vising. It's just "vising". As in "Well, I better take a quick look at this" instead of "Well, let's look at it again just in case, so I remember". If there's one thing that always triumphs over humanity, well at least young adults, I think it's procrastination.

I've been so bored, I've just been thinking about random stuff..

hmm..

Military Service. I still don't know what exactly is gonna happen, or what exactly should happen, I have absolutely no idea how the procedure works in Korea. I was told I need to register my new address, Liverpool at some government military website, but then I was also told I don't need to, because I'm a student. If I do need to register my new address, and I've missed the deadline... I'm in serious shit!

I could potentially be a fugitive right now! Hmm.. I like the sound of that lol.
Hmm, I'm imagining myself, returning to Korea and entering the immigration offices and suddenly getting arrested by Korean military police while i'm shouting and resisting and people are staring. LOL I sound like i'm desperate for attention or smth.

Wanted: Hong Chan Lee
Whereabouts: UK
Reward: £50,000

Hell, if the reward was so big, I'd turn myself in. Talking bout money.. I need money. :S

I am too lazy to get a job, but hey, I NEED TO EAT.
Will get a job in Korea over the summer, teaching English. But of course, before that, will go back to Malaysia for a while, just to see if it misses me yet! :P

I'm wondering, if i will be able to avoid military service if I change nationality.. If being British means that I don't have to waste 2 and a half years of my life in a rotting camp where it's full of uncultured bullies who don't speak much English, I think I'd like to be British. But can I become British?? Hmm. I don't know what the requirements are, it's not as if I'm some desperate refugee or anything. Maybe I should just marry an English woman. I wouldn't mind that. ;)

Sometimes I feel like I do want to go back to Korea and submit to the government and do the whole thing, but.. there are ALWAYS tensions between North and South Korea, and you NEVER know when war is gonna break out. Techinically, they haven't signed a peace treaty, just a ceasefire, so they're still at war. I know I don't want to die. Not even for my country. It might be a bit selfish, but as long as my ass is safe, and the same with the people close to me, I'm happy.

I'm REALLY liking Panic! at the Disco by the way. Their music. It's so catchy!

Shirley Phelps Roper

2006-05-06T15:59:00.000+01:00

This is the SICKEST person I have ever seen. And I don't mean sick in a good way.
I mean SICK in the ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING sense.

Was just surfin around online yesterday, when I came a cross a video, about some people protesting against the war, and I thought "Hmm, war is never a good thing, I wonder what this is about. Probably the same as usual."

Boy was I wrong.

This woman, and her ~~anti-christ~~ christian group have found a unique new hobby: protesting at dead soldiers' funerals. While the dead are being honoured, with friends and family mourning and dealing with their grief, she has organised large groups of people, holding signs up saying "Thank God For Dead Soldiers".

I've got one word for this woman.

WTF! (actually it's three words, but.. hehe, saying i've got one word sounds cooler than saying i've got three words)

I personally don't agree with war, but I've long accepted the fact that sometimes, war is necessary. Even when war isn't necessary, what's happened has happened. I think it was wrong for Bush and America to go and attack Iraq and Afghanistan in the first place. But it's already happened, and who knows, maybe he was right in doing it, none of us will ever know what REALLY happened and what was going on in Iraq before the Americans attacked..

But can't they do their protesting somewhere else? How insensitive is it, to say "Thank God For Dead Soldiers" and "You are Going to Hell" in front of a large group of people who are mourning, while bodies are being buried, with mothers who are crying their eyes out because their sons have just died?

This woman actually even says "Thank God For 9/11", saying that there is so much sin, everybody is being punished and is facing the wrath of God. She justifies everything she says, with religion. This person is just as bad as the damned bastards who killed innocent people by the plane-loads (literally) by flying their planes into the World Trade Centre towers, if she's going to justify the shit that she's doing with religion.

If you watch the video, you can see young children getting involved with the protests. Do they really want their children protesting at funerals? At funerals of dead soldiers? At funerals of dead soldiers who risked their lives for their country? (Admittedly, I'm sure that not all of them risked their lives for their country but some did it coz they couldn't get a better job, etc. but THAT'S NOT THE POINT.) It's amazing what kind of things some people teach their kids, but I'd like to see how these children turn out when they grow up into adults.

My friends will know I'm not a religious person, in fact, I'm agnostic. However, recently I've been thinking of picking up a religion.. was considering Islam, but now, I'm quite keen on Christianity, but people like this just TOTALLY put me off. How fucked up is this woman. She's the one who's gonna go to hell.

If she had a child who went to the war and died, she would be saying something completely different..

You can tell she's obviously a little disturbed. Watch the video carefully, you'll see this strange smirk and emotionless smile across her face. BOY would I like to wipe that smile off her face by blowing her up into smithereens. btw, christianity does not condone violence. :P

And what the hell has homosexuality have anything to do with the war and dead soldiers? Why are they holding up signs saying stuff against gay people?
It's totally irrelevant! (just to clarify, I'm 100% straight)

Birthdays..

2006-05-05T22:29:00.000+01:00

Tomorrow is the birthday of one of my friends.

No idea how old she turns tomorrow though, not known her that long, but from what I know, i'm guessing she's turning 19. It's amazing how the worst things happen to you when you should be happy and celebrating. Our gang was on our way to a certain fast food restaurant called Chicken Bazooka, when she tripped over the base of this swipe-card thingy thing that is used to gain entrance into an underground car-park under the Liverpool Metropolitan Cathedral.. and she fell. She fell on hard concrete, and had a deep cut near the temple of her head, and just started bleeding loads and loads.

When this happened, I was a bit of a distance away, taking out some money from a cash machine.. Sorry to say, I'm really glad I wasn't right there when it happened, or else I would have burst out laughing! We called the ambulance, and the whole gang went to the hospital..Turns out she also fractured her arm.

In bad situations like these, I personally don't like to dwell on things too much. Frankly, I was a little annoyed that our trip to the fast food stall got cancelled (eating out, not in the kinky sense dammit, is expensive! i usually cook at home..). Plus, I was about to buy everybody a meal and earn some social points!! I'm only kidding. Everybody else looked so concerned and all, whereas I just stood outside Subway and chilled with a fag dangling from my lips.. (they decided to take her to Subway, the sandwich place.. it was near the place where she fell... but WHY would you take an injured person to Subway? I have no idea, but I doubt Subway liked it, coz we brought a bleeding and obviously hurt person into their place. Doubt it would have done their business much good lol, although we were only there for like 20min or so..)

Apparently, I seriously under-react. Hmm. I realised this makes me come across as a cold person.. Even got told I had a heart of steel! LOL. Is it really wrong for me to under-react? Personally, I think it's much better that I under-react and stay level-headed and joke about things, rather than get worked up and frantic. I guess you just have to strike the right balance between being caring and putting up a strong front. Not that today required me to put up a strong front lol. I guess you just can't please everyone in this world. .

Speaking of birthdays.. today, I discovered one of my friends, has the same birthday as the famous porn star Peter North!!! How hilarious is that!? I am so relieved that I share a birthday with Paul Scholes of Man Utd fame (16th November), at least that way, you don't get made fun of! My cousin shares a birthday with David Seaman (19th September), and he finds it embarrassing. If only Seaman retired a couple of seasons early, he'd be a proud man!

I never really cared for birthdays. Why be nice to a particular person on this single day, when you can actually do it EVERYDAY? Makes no sense. Personally, I think it's a bit of a commercialised gimmick, such as Valentine's Day, although it's not as bad..

But of course, I always do enjoy it when I get something for my birthday ;)

Placebo

2006-05-03T16:58:00.000+01:00

The new Placebo album came out on the 13th of March. I pre-ordered mine, which comes with a special DVD (it says limited edition on the side!!), and my Placebo collection is complete... for now. No idea if they are gonna make another album after this, they have been around for quite a long time after all. Placebo CDs were almost impossible to find in Malaysia, and a lot of people have simply not heard of them.

That up there, is NOT the new album it was the album that was released just before it, Placebo, Once More with Feeling, Singles 1996-2004. Considering Placebo is my favourite band, it was absolutely imperative that I went out and bought this album. I searched for ages in Malaysia, just could not find it! In KL, JB. Didn't quite try Singapore, but I did not have the chance. But now that i'm in the UK, a whole new world of unexplored music has opened up to me. Of course, I could have just downloaded the tracks off the net, but I don't allow myself to do that with favourite bands. If i like the music I hear, I will go out and buy the album. Say NO to music piracy. ;)

Placebo. Meds. Thoroughly enjoyed it, now I can die in peace now that my Placebo album collection is complete. Actually, no. I have not yet had the chance to see them live.. was meant to go and see them in Blackpool last month, but a friend pulled out, and I did not want to go alone. Inexcusable perhaps, considering it's one of my favourite bands.. but whatever.

Next album collection to complete: Blur

FOOD

2006-05-03T02:43:00.000+01:00

Imagine a life where there is no food..

It'd be so horrible! The best part of cooking is getting to eat your food.
The worst part of cooking is washing up after you eat.
Another worst part of cooking is taking 45minutes to make it, and eating it in 15minutes.

It's just not feasible!

Well, anyway, that above is what I had to eat for dinner many hours ago.
Doesn't look too appetising in the photo, but HEY. I'm no professional chef.
The photo makes it look less nice.. it actually does look a whole lot nicer than that LOL.

Ingredients:
Dish1
Beef
Onions
Garlic
Salt
Pepper

lightly fry chopped up onions and garlic.
add beef. stir-fry to your liking, add salt and pepper to your liking.
add sauce of choice
(mine was actually ayam madu (honey chicken) sauce, but I didn't have any chicken...)

Dish2
Broccoli
Garlic
Salt
Cornflour
Soy sauce

Hai, can't be arsed to repeat. it's exactly the same, except you don't add the honey chicken sauce.. just add soy sauce, then water, and add in dissolved cornflour.

Voila. It tasted quite good btw.

Once you start living by yourself, you realise you took a lot of things for granted,
things such as the fact that your parents used to cook for you, wash up for you, clean the house and your room for you (actually I cleaned my own room), iron your clothes for you, etc.

Just today, I was ironing my shirts and the rest, and I realised "damn, this is some back-breaking work.." I can't imagine ironing on an almost daily basis, let alone doing the washing and cooking on a daily basis.

It's times like these you really value your family and other important things.

But, on a completely random note, it's 3 in the morning and I'm hungry.

Marlboro Lights

2006-05-02T17:35:00.000+01:00

The price of tobacco is mighty high in the UK..
5 pounds for a pack of 20 marlboro lights is quite terrifying to the average smoker. unless you are filthy rich, in which case you just don't care.

BUT I am not filthy rich, which means that 5pounds is just not feasible.
Thankfully, there is a nice shop guy, that likes to sell fags to me for 2.50 a pack!
That is half price!... I have absolutely no idea how they manage to sell these to me for so low a price and still make money.. *feigns ignorance*

Strangely enough, on the side it says "Krakow Polska" on it. hmmm... I wonder what that means ;)

And on the left, we have a pack from the UK and on the right, we have Marlboro lights made in Poland. In the middle, we have Marlboro lights, made in Switzerland, for sale at duty free stores.

People always tell me, "malaysian is better, UK cigarettes are rubbish, etc. etc." but to be totally honest, I cannot tell the difference. Hey, if UK cigarettes are shit, then it's a bonus! I'm smoking Polish (and there's also that smug feeling you get when you realise you're getting something for cheaper than almost everybody else).

Some of my indonesian friends told me that a long time ago, indonesian fags contained marijuana. Some of them tell me they STILL contain weed. I find this hard to believe, but you never know. I'm not going to find out anytime soon anyway, don't like weed.

Did laundry today. OMG so much ironing to do. Will get to that after I finish eating..

Trip to Bath

2006-05-01T15:44:00.000+01:00

WAY back in march, I went to Bath!
it was a friend's birthday, so down I went from liverpool, enduring an extremely long coach ride.
National Express may be a cheap way to travel, but it certainly isn't very suitable for long rides. Come to think of it, it's not entirely that cheap either..

a truly beautiful place, and it's so.. tranquil.

No idea what this place is. Probably some cathedral kind of thing.
Looks nice though! Compared to some of the other places I'd been to, much more photo-taking to be done, coz it just looked so nice. gave my Samsung Digimax camera much more work than usual.

The whole group after walking around loads and loads, decided that we'd stop next to a place called Fudge Factory. Didn't buy any myself, but some people got some chocolate fudge and some coffee. I tried some, not exactly my type of food, but it wasn't too bad.

Hmm.. don't know bout that slogan, "hand made with love" sounds a little too cliche-ish to me.

After a whole lot of walking-around and looking at stuff, (we did not go into the Roman baths because they cost 10 pounds per entry and i was skint) off we went back to the birthday boy's house, and just relaxed.

Twas an interesting trip, would defintely like to live there, it's just so peaceful, compared to places like London which are just too busy.

Would definitely recommend the place, for anyone who hasn't been there yet, to go and visit. It's a really posh place though..